So a little while ago on this site I had the idea to create what I called “unnecessary fan fiction,” that is, fan fiction written from things that didn’t have much fans to begin with. If you don’t know what fan fiction is, it’s basically something that thousands of people have poured countless hours into doing with no hope for financial gain; essentially, people write stories take place after popular stories. For instance, there’s about 27,000 pieces of Star Wars fan fiction out there and 45,000 Lord of the Rings fan fictions. As far as I know, no one’s bothered to write fan fiction about the 80’s Robot-slapstick flick Short Circuit, and certainly no one’s turned Short Circuit into a teenage-goth-romance as I’ve done here.
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Since no one demanded it here’s “Short Circuit My Heart at Dusk.”
Sometimes I wish I never short-circuited and developed human emotions, thought Johnny Five. Motor Grease ran down his eyes like rain hitting a robot. He was sad. Who would have thought a beautiful robot could have such pain in his heart?
Ben entered Johnny Five’s bedroom without knocking, which was so uncool. “J-5, why is your young heart so filled with anguish that is more poignant than I can understand?”
“My name’s Johnny Five!” Johnny Five wheeled backwards, picked up a pillow with his pneumatic hand and hurled it at Ben. It broke a lamp 20 feet away, reminding Johnny Five of how poorly made he was. One more thing to sulk about. “Shut up Ben, you’re not my real creator. I’m not sure why I’m even with you.”
In his heart, Ben knew this was true. Johnny Five’s real creator was a guy who looked like Steve Gutenberg, and Ben himself did not know why he lived with Johnny Five. He didn’t understand a lot of things about Johnny Five, especially the depth of his robo-heart.
Ben said, “You’ve changed, J-5–I mean Johnny Five. You used to be so fun, yelling out catch phrases from TV at random and dressing up like Rambo. Now all you want to do is spend time alone in your bedroom.”
“Bad human! Leave me alone!” Cried Johnny Five, and Ben left. That was so like him. Adults don’t understand teenage robots. with their hearts so pure. Johnny turned on his new MacBook to listen to My Chemical Romance while grease dripped from his sockets like a robot sprayed lightly with a hose.
A small box appeared on the computer screen. In the box, it was written, “Since you like My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, maybe you will like Muse.”
Johnny Five listened and liked it so much he clicked like. He looked at the computer, “Finally, someone gets me. O MacBook, teach me how to love.”
The computer wrote back “Three billion results.”
“You know so much MacBook. You understand me. But Ben says you just drain energy from everything.”
The computer remained silent. Johnny Five knew the computer’s heart was too burdened, too young, and too pure to speak. He checked his email, and saw he had a friend request.
“MacBook, is that all we can be? Just friends? Just because you’re a top of the line computer and I’m a poorly made robot from the eighties?”
The computer went into sleep mode, and the screen was as black as the shadow cast on Johnny Five’s heart.
Johnny Five cried, “Nooooooooooooo!!!”
Ben rushed in, which was so uncool. “What’s a matter? Are you okay Johnny Five? I thought maybe you were in danger of falling in love with someone your kind was not meant to be with.”
“What you talking ‘bout, Willis?”
“That’s my Johnny.”
After Ben left, which was so uncool, Johnny Five’s eyes leaked grease like a thin mist falling onto a robot.